Archive for October, 2008

Late-Night Brain Dump

Hi all. Wildflower went to sleep at a decent time tonight, and after spending so many nights being  up til 1 or 2 am, I can’t sleep. I’m going to not stress about depleting my adrenals tonight, because I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I plan to get back on track soon enough. I’m supposed to go to bed by 10 or 10:30, so I can be asleep by 11, and wake up at 9. There’s a whole schedule in there about when I’m supposed to eat too, to keep my blood sugar/hormonal levels even, but I won’t go there. Speaking of Wildflower, OMG, she is SO THREE. She doesn’t actually turn three until January, but this past week, she hit three developmentally. She is SCREAMING when she doesn’t get her way, so oppositional. If I say down, she says up. If I say stop, she says go. Two was easy for me- it was really obvious when she was testing boundaries- if I set a boundary, she would dance right up to the line, and then cross it *ever* so slightly, just to see how firm it really was. All I had to do was be firm. Now, it’s a completely different story, and it came three months early, so it took me by surprise (it really shouldn’t, according to this site she’s already hit most of her three milestones). It’s requiring a new level of patience and creativity. Playful parenting is coming into play a lot more, for one thing.

I have a few things I’ve been meaning to write about here. One is my personal experience with the mind/body connection. I’ve intellectually understood this for a long time. But only recently have I had the chance to really apply it in a practical way. As you may or may not know, I’ve had some health issues for a while that I’ve been trying to sort out. Blood sugar/insulin resistance, thyroid (hypo), and it seemed like there were some missing pieces, and I coudln’t figure out how to put the puzzle together. I felt like I was going about it the wrong way. I finally decided I couldn’t put my health on hold and went to a naturopath (after not being able to find an herbalist in the area). She showed me it was adrenal fatigue- all the pieces suddenly fit. It was amazing. One of the things I recently realized was that my thyroid was swelling, causing a lump in the throat kind of feeling. I was also doing some reading about chakras/energy, and trying to figure out how that fit into my healing journey. (Trying to apply all six steps of healing).  In my reading, I realized my throat chakra was WAY closed. I realized that my thyroid/lump in throat feeling (since the thyroid is the organ of the throat chakra) started back in college, at the same time I was dealing with a lot of yucky stuff emotionally, and bit back a lot of my words. Things that needed to be said for me to speak my own truth.  I figured – “hey, mind/body connection, what the hey?” And started wearing a blue silk over my throat chakra at night, and the effect was *immediate and dramatic*- I was suddenly able to verbalize things I didn’t even know were bothering me. I went and got a lil crystal bundle to keep the energy flowing in the daytime as well. I have also been supporting my thyroid on the physical plane as well, but I really feel like what I’ve been doing has been helping me emotionally and physically. Being able to verbalize my feelings and needs, and healing this hypothyroid issue. The next one I want to work on is my root chakra. I’ve had a feeling about that one for a while, and I use this handy dandy lil tool to help me see where I’m out of balance.  It’s not comprehensive, but it does provide a quick overview. Anyway, last time I took it, I could see some positive changes, but it showed my root was underactive. So, I plan to focus on that more, and it comes at a time where I’ve been wanting to strengthen my kegels anyway, with this. It’s so funny how that works out. The main emotional issues I’ll be dealing with are my anxiety- my feelings of safety in this world. I usually come from a place of distrust with strangers, though I’ve slowly been opening up more thanks to a beautiful mirror in my life. But usually, you have to earn my trust- and it’s not usually hard, but I would like to come from a place of guarded trust, instead of distrust.

I’ve also been thinking about my diet. I consider myself an exceptionally healthy eater, but I am always trying to be better. And lately,  though I feel that fat is supremely healthy and nutritious, I think I’ve finally gotten my fill, and I’m feeling the need for more moderation. It reminds me of a story a Lady I know online told about being an apprentice to Susun Weed. She said she had this HUGE slab of good dark chocolate on the table at all times, and told them they could have as much of it as they wanted. At first, they gorged themselves. But over time, they began to just eat lil slivers and shavings of it. And I feel like that’s kind of what happened to me, with fats, when I realized that butter WAS good for you. I ate my fill. Now, I feel like I can back off a bit (but just a bit, since I still feel that you need it for proper vitamin A and D metabolization). One of the areas I really want to cut back in is cheese consumption. I eat a lot of cheese, I LOVE it. I get huge bricks of mild cheddar and colby jack, and go through two in a week. I could eat grilled cheese every day, and I usually put mounds on pretty much anything I eat. Now, while I feel that cheese is a healthy food, I’m feeling like I sort of need it. And a reliance on any one thing, be it cheese, or coffee, or Diet Coke just isn’t healthy. I’m thinking (and just thinking, I haven’t really acted yet) about just buying certain kinds of cheese- feta, swiss, chevre- the more strongly flavored ones- Parmesan- and using that as a condiment- a flavoring instead of making a meal out of it. A local dairy farm makes a great raw cheese, and I’d love to consume only raw cheese, but at the rate I eat cheese now, there is NO way I could afford that.  So, either I eat regular cheese, or cut back til I can afford to eat the raw stuff. And even though I feel that cheese in general is a healthy food, I doubt my bricks of cheddar are really the top rung of nutrition. Anyway, I’m out of cheese as of this morning. On our next shopping trip, I’m going to experiment by buying several different cheeses, but no bricks this time. Just wonder what will happen, how I’ll feel.

The other area I’m working on in my diet, is more of a conviction. I have decided to really pursue keeping kosher. Biblical style, which means avoiding pork and shellfish, mainly. No seperating milk and meat, that’s not in the Bible. I’d really need to reread some passages that I’ve been reading before I can articulate more about this, but it’s been on my mind lately, and I need to study up a bit more on it.

I mentioned I went to see a naturopath because I couldn’t find an herbalist, but I did end up finding one after I’d established a relationship with my naturopath. I was super excited to find out he did clinical work, and I hired him right away. I met with him a week or more ago now, and I’ve been mulling over the experience. Much different than a naturopath, but I know that using herbal support along with the whole food supplements my ND recommends, and the energy work I’m doing myself, my healing is well on the way. I’ve been feeling really draggy lately, and that means housework, homeschooling, good cooking have all gone downhill, which makes me feel guilty, but last night, I prayed, and today, it was all so effortless. I didn’t get everything on my list done, but I had what it took to be up and at ’em and in a good mood. And even now, at 2 am, I feel strong and healthy instead of sick and fat like I had been feeling. (Oh, I know I won’t feel like that at 9am tomorrow when I wake up….)

Today finally felt like fall. I don’t know what Mother Nature was thinking, but for most of October, it’s felt more like September here. I have been pining for sweater weather, and today, I finally got it! I was able to wear my hand knit poncho that took me four years to knit. I don’t love it, because it’s sort of asymmetrical, and I’m a girl who loves symmetry, but goshdarnit, I’m going to WEAR that thing- it took me long enough to make! 🙂 Next on my list is a calorimetry, and then I’m going to delve into the world of knitting socks. I REALLY want a pair of handknit wool socks, and about the only way to get them is if I know someone who knits who loves me a WHOLE lot, or if I make them myself. I’ll get them a lot faster if I make them myself. 🙂 I’m going to make a LOT of effort to make sure it doesn’t take me 4 years to knit these socks. Hopefully, I’ll be able to wear them this winter. We shall see.

We renewed our lease today, and signed an 18 month one. Mainly because our lease is up in November, and that’s a miserable time to move. So now, we’ll be moving in May. So much more pleasant. 🙂 I was reading through the lease, and it said that instead of the $35 I thought it was to have a pet, it’s only $15! With a $300 downpayment, half of that refundable. Which means, $150… which we can do. The only thing is the cat has to be spayed (ok) and declawed (uh-uh). I will not be declawing a cat, so my hope is to find a cat that is already declawed, and preferably without a chip (I’m morally against chipping humans and animals). I’m hoping for a female tortiseshell, siamese, calico or anything else who is about a year old. If you know of one, and are local to me, please match us up. I have been DYING for a cat. I’m a cat person through and through (though that doesn’t mean I’m NOT a dog person or any other animal for that matter, just that if I were a witch, cats would be my familiars- I actually have a lot of feline traits to my own personality, and I really identify with them, and like having them around), and I really don’t feel like myself if I don’t have a cat living with me. I haven’t had a cat that was MINE since Pumpkin died. She was my first cat, and she died when I was in high school. I only had her for 5 years- she had a heart defect. 😦 We had other cats after her, all of whom I loved very much, but none that have had that special relationship with me. Considering the fabulous discount we’re getting on our rent, I know we can afford to have a cat now. There, Universe- match me with a kitty, please. 🙂

I’m leading a chat in a couple weeks on natural immune support on a forum I admin. I’m really nervous, since I’m not a “leader” type, and I’ve never done anything like this before! But I’m trying to accept that I’m growing in knowledge and experience when it comes to herbs, and to be open to things like this coming along. Since it’s what I want, really I do. I’m planning to take a course here soon to become a “Family Herbalist”, and then hopefully a “Master Herbalist”- these things don’t really mean much all on their own, since herbalism isn’t regulated in this country, but I think the courses are sound, and I’m really looking forward to learning through them. I intend to write a blog article in preparation for this chat, so expect that in the next couple weeks.

Well, I’ve been sitting here for a few minutes now, and I think the word flow has slowed. I guess I’ll go to bed and see if I can sleep now. Good night, all.


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